An Introduction
I have this distinct memory of me, aged seventeen, sitting outside with a friend - whilst on vacation at their house in the Spanish mountains - discussing the law of karma. The reason why this memory stands out to me, or why I nurture it with such fondness, is because it acts as the perfect punctuation for which I measure my journey to openly discussing such ‘knowings.’ And I do refer to them as such, because they are not simply beliefs, nor understandings, they are inner knowings made conscious.
When I was a child, I often expressed these knowings with abandon. Whether it was to my parents, my peers, or strangers. I did not think twice about discussing my journeys on the astral planes, the mind’s ability to manifest, reincarnation, general matters of metaphysics, or anything else of this nature. I didn’t think anything of it and indeed, why would I? This was my normal. It wasn’t until my late-teens/early twenties, when I became more and more engrossed in the world, that I came to realise that it is full of a multitude of people, each of whom carry within themselves, their own unique view, perspective, and understanding of life along with their place within it. This revelation saw me gradually withdraw from fully expressing myself, as, at the time, I found that I did not feel secure enough within myself to face the criticism, or disagreement of others when I did.
Thus, for many years, I repressed certain aspects of myself, in order that I would fit snugly in to a society I was attempting to be a part of. Yet, in doing so, I lost touch with myself. With the Self. What Hindus call Atman. This disconnection had led me away from my soul, away from my higher self, my higher wisdom, and into a complete state of depression and despondency. I had a perpetual cough from never speaking my truths and desperately despaired at life, feeling stuck and purposeless, regardless of whatever it was that I attempted to do or achieve. I was fractured and I wasn’t being who I truly was, because I wasn’t willing or felt able to be.
Having created a false identity for myself, it took nearly thirty years to even begin to unravel and dismantle all the parts of myself which I was not. To slowly start to let out a word or two, show an inclination towards, or even unveil an insight into something that was beyond the safe, structured, material world and its accepted narrative. By the Spring of 2014, I’d stopped drinking, drug taking, partying, and was living out in the French countryside, working for an animal charity. Clear minded, surrounded by the calming quietude of nature, and with no social pressure, I found myself finally dialling back in and rediscovering my inner knowings. All the things which resonated. All the things which I’d abandoned in search of a false sense of security and acceptance from a world, which I hadn’t yet realised, was essentially looking for the same things. It had been the proverbial blind leading the blind.
Feeling more and more confident within myself - and somewhat protected by a screen - I introduced a series called ‘Insightful Sundays’ onto my blog, whereby I would choose a particular subject and write a philosophically minded essay on it. The subjects ranged from intuition, to self-worth, and were usually inspired by whatever was affecting me at the time. Whilst I look back at them now, re-reading them occasionally, feeling a mixed sense of comfort and embarrassment - how they carried a weight of worth, yet were perhaps wrapped in a youthful deliverance I have since outgrown - I feel so much gratitude towards them, for they were the seedlings of things yet to come.
Later that same year I moved to Berlin, where I eventually laid down roots and remained for almost half a decade. Within that time, I met a multitude of individuals, some of whom were looking to shed their baggage and rediscover themselves, and some who already had. The latter became my greatest teachers and inspiration when it came to standing in my truth, and the former reminded me of the struggle that it takes at times to get there. Surrounded by fellow yogis and open-minded, introspective people, who were all on their own inner journeys, I blossomed. I expanded unburdened. Shed the remaining layers of my falsities. My cloak of societal invisibility. Suddenly, no levitation story was too far out. No crystal gift unaccepted. I could finally be soul naked. True to myself. To Atman.
It is said that Hindus and Buddhists believe that infants, before they have developed an ego boundary - or conditioned personality - know true reality, beyond the realm of the physical. And some even go so far as to suggest that the path toward enlightenment requires that we regress back to infancy. What this is to say is that essentially we need to decondition ourselves from all the limiting beliefs which we have been taught, or which have been pressed upon us. For it is not the case of discovering who we are, but instead, a case of discovering all that we are not.
In a world which is full of individuals in misalignment, forgoing their authenticity and unique originality, in order that they find acceptance and safety amongst a crowd of others, who are equally as fragmented and afraid, it can genuinely require courage to take ownership of who you truly are. To accept that you may be misunderstood, even by those you consider your kin. But, there is a saying: people can only meet you, at the depth with which they have met themselves. Or in other words, if you’re wearing pink and everyone around you is colour blind, then baby, don’t get changed!
So anyway, here I am, sixteen years later, still talking about the law of karma, having gone through a lot in the space in-between. And now I’m finally ready to begin teaching the true meaning of Yoga - beyond the mat - and share my inner knowings. Beside my Satsang offerings - the physical meetings of which have presently been postponed, due to the current climate - I shall be sharing Dharma discussions right here on this site. See it as a fully grown version of my once planted seeds. I hope you will join me in the many discussions to come, sharing your own insights and views along the way. Remember, your own knowings matter. They have value, even when no one else sees it, or understands.